i love to love the people i love

i love love. there… i said it. i love everything about it. the flushed cheeks, that extra sparkle in your eye and the little skip in your walk… the giggling and the constant feeling of, “it couldn’t possibly be better than this,” the spontaneity, the sweet snuggling and kisses. if you’re like me, you’re a lover. constantly wanting to encourage, give what i like to call “sugar,” spending quality time. this goes beyond my romantic relationships…. and even into my friendships and relationships with my family. i love to love on the people i love

I’m learning about love being an action. you always hear about it… showing someone you love them rather than always telling them. but when the way I love gets put to the test, I’m sometimes guilty of not always outwardly showing my love. whether this be quicker to show grace, slower to get angry, offering that encouraging word instead of the hateful words I really want to use, not thinking in the best interests of the people I love, not listening, cutting them down with the intention of being funny, even when it may hurt their feelings.

Saying this… I want to be a better lover. a better friend. a better sister & daughter. I get a daily devotional from proverbs 31 ministries (www.proverbs31.org) and this morning, eventhough a majoity of it had to do with showing grace to a spouse, it’s still relevant eventhough I’m single. The writer, Melanie, used cartlidge as a metaphor for grace. she says,

“Cartilage is a tissue that is found in many places in our bodies, including at the end of bones where joints form. It protects our joints from wear and tear, helps them move smoothly, and absorbs shock. When the cartilage in our knee, for example, is damaged, we feel pain.

Grace in our marriages is like the protective covering of cartilage in our joints. Couples who show each other a gracious attitude cover their marriage with understanding, protect their marriage from misunderstandings and short-tempered emotions, and help one another absorb life’s jolts and shocks…. one aspect of love is grace. It’s the part of love that is generous, forgiving, encouraging, and unconditional. It’s the part of love that empowers you to fill in the gaps rather than notice what’s lacking in your spouse. Grace asks, “How can I help you?” instead of growing frustrated or bitter when your spouse isn’t measuring up to your standard.

Bringing criticism, judgment, and self-righteousness into your marriage is all too easy. Saying “Why didn’t you…” “You should have…” or “I told you so” requires no effort. But being gracious is what we need in marriage, and that’s what Christ calls us to be. We’re human. We’re going to disappoint one another. We ‘re not always going to meet each other’s needs.”

I love this. What a challenge to be a gracious individual. It takes courage and strength to show grace when all we want to do it criticize and play the victim. A lot of times we think we are showing strength by tearing someone else down. That our words & irritated and angry feelings/emotions take precedence over how they make someone else feel. We want to treat them poorly because we feel like they have treated us poorly and that is our natural response. I’m really floored by this… not because it’s so profound, because it’s actually a simple concept that we need to put into practice, myself included. I’m just boggled by the fact that as many times as I think I’ve taken the high road… there have been times with my words & actions that I’ve really torn down my partners, my friends, my family.

My desire is to love better. Love more graciously. more selflessly. to be more forgiving. less judgmental. to watch my words and be intentional with them as well as my actions. obviously this comes with maturity and there have definitely been some positive changes in all of these things within me the last few years. however, I’d like for there to be a constant improvement.

thanks to all of you who love me without regards, without hesitation, without judgment, and with everything you have.

a few of my favorite things…

so I know I’ve done this post before, but I was inspired again, this time by one of my other mothers, Mrs. Sandi, check out her blog at http://emptynestart.wordpress.com for a lot of laughs and encouragement.

in case you were wondering… here are a few of my favorite things. I’ll try not to do a repeat of the last time I did this. who knows, maybe they’ll even become some of your favorite things as well!

1. my girl friends… I say it all the time, but I can never say it enough. I, without a doubt, have the best girl friends in the entire world. They are my prayer warriors, my encouragers, the people that make me laugh the dance, my dancing buddies, and the loves of my life.

one of my bff's and my twin allie

3 of my very best friends- carly, me, hayley, and alanna!

bethany, carly, myself, & hayley

my best friend since the womb, holly. we are 9 days apart

my old roomie, bff, & soon to be bride, tori

old photo... but krissy, mer, & myself. the trio

last but certainly not least, my little baby, the beautiful alyssa adams

2. the bachelor. okay, so I’m a smidge addicted this season. but who can blame me? it’s a schmooze fest! jake, who is totally sexy, is as cheesy as it possibly gets and all these girls are JOKES! Gia seems to be the only sane one. Vienna is psycho, Allie is way too caught up in hating Vienna, Tenley acts like she is on some serious medication. Ella, the sweet one with the child Ethan and the southern twang, was my favorite. I’m really anxious to see who Jake actually ends up with… and to see if it ends in complete disaster.

seriously? i don't care if he's a cheeseball... he's HOT.

3. cardigans. okay, before you laugh… who doesn’t love a good cardigan? I’m obsessed. I have probably… 15ish if I had to give a rough estimate, but I’m sure there are more. I have every color you can imagine… except gold/yellow. I’m on the hunt for a good, reasonably priced, mustard yellow cardigan, so if you know of one… lemme know ) I work at ann taylor LOFT and we have some great deals on them, so ladies… come on in!

4. sharpie pens. anyone else out there love a good pen? I’m admitting that I used to be a pen stealer… if I was at restaurants & the waitress had a great pen, I’d take it. that was before I became a waitress & also grew up a little and realized that was bad, haha. but the sharpie pen is a permanent marker pen that doesn’t bleed through paper. it’s my favorite! they come in lots of colors & they’re reasonably priced.

5. damask print. if you know me at all, you know i love a good damask print. my bedspread is damask, my jewelry box,  shower curtain, towels, candles, most of my decor, you name it… I either have it or have the intention to buy it. love love love it. It’s being used more and more nowadays & I’m so glad!

6. Charleston, SC. Before I write about this, let me say this… I have NEVER been to Charleston. But it is my favorite place that I’ve never been. I am DYING to go here soon & have actually been looking at graduate schools in that area. My top 3 favorite places I’ve been to: 1. Nashville, TN 2. New York, NY 3. Curacao (I went on a cruise here, so I’m not sure what port we were at) but nonetheless, I can’t wait to visit Charleston. I think I’ll fit in quite nicely.

7. Scarves. I own well over 20-25 scarves. I love love love scarves. I have warm, winter scarves and light, summer scarves with every single color and print you can imagine. here are 2 of my new favorites from the LOFT. I own both of these )

8. betsey johnson perfume. the compliment that I receive the most, is always that I smell SO good. or like candy. or delicious. or whatever. friends, I wear Betsey Johnson. it’s a light, fruity fragrance that is perfect for winter and summer seasons. I wandered off and tried other fragrances, but this one fits me the best ) some other fragrances I’ve used & loved are dolce & gabanna light blue and fancy by jessica simpson.

9. trader joes. holy smokes. I have always loved grocery shopping… but now I REALLY love grocery shopping. They have the best food that’s always fresh and organic & perfect frozen meals to fit in with busy schedules. The service is always excellent & I always have such a great experience everytime I’m inside. they also have a $2.99 wine called “2 Buck Chuck,” so for all you wine lovers like me, this is good for you!

10. this is 3 combined into one. my favorite wine/beer. I’ve learned to really appreciate the taste of wine & beer. I’ve done a few wine/beer tastings along with food pairings & have learned to pick out flavors and quality of wine. here are my favorites… I’m a red wine drinker & I love almost every beer as long as it’s not too hoppy. with places like Brick Store, Leon’s, & Ormsby’s in Atlanta, it’s hard to not appreciate & love a good beer or wine.

it's a red blend & usually around $10-11. it's A-MAZING.

i loved yuengling & then discovered yuengling light... SO YUMMY & so glad they now sell it in GA!

this is my absolute favorite beer! Fat Tire. has a nutty taste to it. highly recommended!

10. shabby chic. i’m OBSESSED. I try & re-do my room every 2-3 years… and this will be my next project. I love the delicate patterns & the soft colors & the mix of rustic pieces and glamour. I’ve always had bold, dark colors in my room, so I’d like to try something new. I’m also a sucker for anything vintage, so this flows perfectly with my personality.

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well, those were a few of my favorite things. what are your favorite things?

facebook was doing this “doppelganger week.” I have always been told I look like: Maria Menounos from e! news, Debra Messing from “Will & Grace”, Mila Kunis from “That 70’s show,” & Jamie Presley from “My Name is Earl.” after much consideration, the closest I have to a doppelganger (other than my friend Allie), is Maria Menounos. check it out!

this one KILLS me. I used this one as my fb picture & people were completely fooled!

alright. well i hope this wasn’t a gigantic waste of your time )

be blessed!

pictoral update

in the last few months, much has changed. here’s a little visual update of what i’ve been up to for the last few months

1. my wonderful friends, tyler and carly ward, came out to piedmont park for the day with my family to take some photos for our family Christmas card. Tyler is an AMAZING photographer and an even better friend, and his wife, carly, is one of my very best friends. you can check him out at www.twoshotphotography.com

www.twoshotphotography.com

sweet kisses for my daddy www.twoshotphotography.com

www.twoshotphotography.com

2. my sweet friend, Carly, that I previously mentioned, she and I ran the Strong Legs 10k back in November. I had never done one before, so this was quite the accomplishment for both of us. here’s some pictures from our race

Carly and I at Turner Field after running the 10k

my sweet little sister, lark, came to support me & was waiting at the finish line!

3. I went to NYC to visit my high school friend, Meri-Leigh for a few days. She was interning with a fashion designer and lived in the heart of Manhattan. It was INCREDIBLE and one of the best weekends of my life.

sweet meril and i out for a night on the town

in central park

gorgeous NYC (my future home)

typical tourist picture

4. My sweet friend Amber got married the same day that I ran the 10k we’ve been friends since our freshman and sophomore years of high school and it was such a blessing to be able to share this day with her!

is the not the most stunning bride you've ever seen?

5. I was fortunate to go to almost every single Georgia Tech home football game this year, minus 1 or 2. I got a free ticket to the UGA/Tech game this year and eventhough we suffered a disappointing loss, I had an amazing time with my incredible friends! GO JACKETS!

lark, my little, and i tailgating before the game!

my roommate, claire, lark, and myself

fortunate to have such amazing men in my life! depsite their choice in football teams

and a couple of other tech game pictures!

yes. we are totally sorority girls.

5. For New Years 2010, I got to go on my 2nd annual trip to Gatlinburg with a bunch of my friends. I went last year and had just as much fun, if not more fun, this year. Nothing like a good corn dog from the ever so lovely Fannie Farkle’s and a sugary funnel cake from Mayfields. and of course, the Reagan Resort was nothing less than a classy establishment as always.

one of my darling best friends, the lovely hayley pharr

Paul, Reuben, Dave, myself, & Hayley

hayley was very excited about twenty-ten

Meg Barrett, Kelly Smith, Hayley, & me

airbrushed t-shirts. you're an outcast if you don't have one

in case you can't read that, it says "besties"

along with all of this, I’m staying busy I’ll try to update more frequently as things are progressing and springtime is (not-so) quickly approaching.

be blessed,

mal

listening.

listening is something that i realized, i’m not always very good at. i always think i’m a good listener… paying attention to the speaker, giving my occasional head nods and “mmhmms” just to show i’m engaged in the conversation… but am i engaged and listening? not really. i had coffee with a sweet friend the other day and i caught myself “listening,” but also picking at my fingernail polish, checking my phone, playing with my hair, my mind wandering off in onto other topics floating around my brain that for a moment were seemingly more interesting than what she was saying.

i felt awful afterwards. because i had spent an hour with her and realized i had no idea what she had told me about her life. i wondered how many other times i’ve done that to people. acted like i didn’t care what they were saying and pseudo paying attention. i also wonder what i’ve missed out on by not listening attentively.

i’m constantly around people who are encouraging me and stretching me and pushing me towards growth. i sometimes don’t pick up on cues on when and where i shut butt into a convo and sometimes end up putting my foot in my mouth because of it. i wonder what i’m missing. with the people around me, with the Lord trying to speak to me, with books and knowledge…. am i really listening and paying attention? if i had to give an honest answer, i’d say no. there are times where i really open up my heart and my eyes and then something profound hits me. but i want to be constantly hit with profound somethings. i know there’s a lot of power in words, and i am convicted that maybe i don’t sit back to focus and reflect. so my challenge to myself in the next few weeks, months, however long… is to be attentive and conscious of my listening and what i’m taking in. do not misunderstand, if i feel like i have something to contribute, i will… but i am anxious to see how much different things will be if instead of talking, i just sit back.

i’m always wanting to grow and to be stretched… but i’m limiting myself by not engaging in my full listening and by not taking to heart things being said to me that people are entrusting to tell me, or things that are going to expand my potential as a person and my pursuit of the Lord and of what i need to be doing with my life.

i’m always the first one to pipe in without thinking in a conversation, and i’d just like to be a little more intentional about how i go about relationships, conversations, and outings with friends. it’s a respect thing for the speaker. when i’m speaking, i like people to respect me enough to actively listen and engage in the conversation. i can’t expect the speaker to do for me what i’m not doing for them. i’m ready for this challenge for myself and i know that it will produce much fruit.

cheers, here’s to life :)

yaaaaaay life! that’s all i can say!

things are just changing and becoming brighter and better. i think that comes with the season change, eh? fall is such a time of change… colors, temperature, moods, etc. this is by far my favorite season. i’m always really encouraged, probably because it’s the most GORGEOUS time of the year. i love love love reds, oranges, golds, browns, etc… and thanksgiving is always my favorite time because i get to celebrate it with both sides of my fam. just really love and cherish this time. i think i am the happiest during the months of october and november… so i am anticipating all the fun times this next month!

i’ve been meeting with a lovely lady named emily for a little while now… she has been discipling me and mentoring me and just imparting all her wisdom onto me, praying with me, encouraging me. it’s been the biggest gift. it’s so nice to have women who see something in you and want to touch on that and help you get to the place and be the person that you aspire to be. so thankful for emily and her heart and her sweet love for the Lord.

also exciting news- one of my besties from high school, meri-leigh, moved to NYC for an internship. SO, i am going to visit her in december! yay! i’ve never been to NY during christmastime, so i am thrilled to do all the christmasy things… ice skate, go to rockefellar center, etc etc. PLUS, NY is the home of one of mine and meril’s all time favorite movies, home alone 2: lost in new york. DUH! it’s only appropriate that i visit her there. also- emily is going up there too on the same weekend, so we are flying in and back together– soooo excited. can’t even wait to see meril. my heart misses her. it’s been almost 2 years since we’ve hugged, so it’s long overdue.

i registered for my spring semester of classes and i am pleased to announce that for the first time in 2 years, i am taking LESS than 18 hours. i have made it down to 16 hours for the spring and then i will be down to 13 my last semester of college in the fall of 2010 and then i am FINISHED. it’s so strange right now to be looking at internships, grad schools, jobs, etc… just to explore some possibilities and options of what i could be doing after graduation. it’s a scary time, but i am also so anxious and excited to be done!

my girl friends are ROCKING my life right now. i can say i have spent more time with my ladies in the last 2 months than i probably did total in the last year we are all just craving our girl time. if we don’t see each other 3-4 times a week, it’s a strange feeling. i have never been a part of a more encouraging group of women who are chasing after the heart of God… it’s so encouraging, yet also rewarding to know that i also have something to contribute to the group. i think that’s what makes us work so well. we all have different talents, gifts, viewpoints, etc… but we all come together and it just works. it’s perfect. i LOVE my girls. can’t even say it enough. if i think about it too long i’ll cry. tehehe. so thankful that the Lord has given me such incredible women to help strengthen me and uplift me, and that i get to do the same for them.

my sweet friend, carly, and i have been running 3-5 times a week for the last couple of months. i have noticed a HUGE change in my stress level, my worrying, my anxiety… it has been so good for my body as well as for my mind and my soul. not to mention, carly and i have the best talks while we’re running (and sometimes walking). it’s so refreshing to run every afternoon with her and for us to just get to catch up and have girl time as well. we’ve been working towards running a 5k… so we’re doing that in 2 weeks. i am so excited to see how our running has paid off. i am proud of the discipline we’ve had, as well as the improvement that we’ve show as far as distance and time. so i’m pumped! my body is loving me as well as my heart!

i feel like the Lord is just blowing me away right now. things aren’t awesome, but they are fine. i am confident in Him and therefore in myself. my precious friend, hayley, has this name book that gives you what your name means, as well as your spiritual trait/gift/etc. my name means “counselor” and my word is “joy(ful).” holy mess. how perfect? i’m going to school to be a counselor and i love love love that my spirit radiates joy! how encouraging! what a great feeling to have joy in the midst of trials and unfortunate circumstances. i’ve spent too much of my days being anxious and depressed… there is something stirring. so excited to see what it is.

lovies.

a lady in waiting

so I have been reading this book by Jackie Kendall called, “Lady in Waiting.” It has really opened my eyes and my heart to the life of a single woman and trying to live without being discouraged when it seems like all your friends are getting married, engaged, in serious relationships, etc.

since I’ve been in college, I’ve been really lucky to have exceptional men in my life. The men in my family have always been amazing and supportive (dad, brother, grandfather, stepfather, etc.) and have given me tangible, living examples of how women should be treated and have always reminded me of my worth as a woman. I have the most INCREDIBLE guy friends in the world. They have been the most influential in my knowing what I deserve and what I want in a man that I could potentially date and/or marry. They are leaders, men after the heart of God, and respectful of women. I’ve been in a couple serious relationships that I am very thankful that I got to endure and be a part of. They weren’t always easy, but they have helped put into perspective for me the things that I desire out of a relationship and the kind of man that I desire to be with, should that happen for me.

I want to be a better person for being with the person that I am with. I can say that about so many of my friends and members of my family… ‘I am better for knowing you.’ ‘I am my best self when I am with you.’ A lot of times I’m told to just go on lots of dates and yada yada yada, make yourself unavailable and men will want you, etc. NO. I will NOT do that. There are days where I am discouraged and feel like I missed the boat somewhere. But, HELLO! I’m only 21 years old. I have a lot of friends who feel this way too- like our friends have these serious, almost ready to be engaged relationships, and here we are, young, fresh out of college some of us, and discouraged because we don’t have a significant other? How warped and messed up is that? I want to use my singleness for good. Not think of it as something negative or like there is something wrong with me. This is the time for me to get to know myself aside from other people and aside from having a relationship, and should I some day be in a serious relationship, this will have been the time to prepare me to be ready and the kind of woman that someone else would want to be with and have in their life. Also- I’ve noticed in myself and in other women, that we always say when we get married, that that is when our life will start. I am TOTALLY guilty of this. I have thought this subconsciously for years. But lately, I’m noticing what sounds so simple, has become so profound to me. My life has already started. I’m going to miss out on so much if my main focus is simply on finding someone to share my life with. I am perfectly capable of being strong on my own and when/if someone does come into my life (remember, I’m not complaining, I understand I’m only 21), then that’ll be great. But that is no reason for me to sit back and wait on someone to walk into my life and THEN my life will start. it’s a really silly thing to admit and honestly say that that has been my mentality for the last few years. Haha and please do not think I’m on this independent woman/feminist high kick. I’m just simply stating that women don’t need men to be completed and that has been my state of mind for most of my life, unfortunately. I guess better to recognize it now rather than later, right?

I really do tend to get discouraged about this. I started writing this blog on Sept 16 and forgot all about it. Since I wrote this, my perspective on being single hasn’t changed 100%, I still get down about it some times, but over the last few weeks, I’ve gotten to know myself a little better. I’ve technically been single for a long time, but my heart wasn’t available to anyone and I was very closed off. But, I’ve seen changes in myself and have really been making conscious efforts to get to know me again and figure out the me that I want to become. I’m trying to be transparent without giving too much personal stuff away, so forgive me if I seem vague.

My perspective and my outlook has just shifted. I’m working towards the same thing… my major hasn’t changed, the career path I want has not changed, but the way I look at all of it… that’s changed. Also- I don’t want anyone thinking the wrong thing… I am INCREDIBLY happy for my friends who are in committed relationships, engaged, and married and so happy that I get to be a part of their relationships and share in that with them.

I’m learning a lot. For the first time in a looooooong time. I’m learning about myself, more about the heart, grace, and love of Christ, and learning to accept those things. I feel like since I’ve technically been a believer for like 4 years now, I’ve learned a lot of stuff. but that’s all that really resonated with me…. it was just stuff. I never really took it in or accepted it or thought twice about it. God was only semi-real to me. But, without getting too personal, I’m learning a ton. I really am. I feel like the old me, 3-4 years ago, but better.

a close friend told me the other day that he thinks that the next 2 years for me… they’re going to produce a ton of fruit. I surely surely hope so. I just want to grow and be used. I know it’s going to bring a ton of trials and lots of healing and stretching and going outside my comfort zone. but, I think I’m ready, and if not, I’m going for it anyway.

everything is really, really, good. my heart is FULL.

holy moly.

Wow! It’s been almost 3 months or so since I posted anything and Josh Murty is amazing! (i just saw this on here… that’s what i get for leaving my computer open when people are over. YES josh murty, you are amazing!)

My good friend, Claire, and I moved into an apartment back downtown and we LOVE it. We’re slowly getting everything painted and put together and making it our home. Once we get everything situated, we want to have a little get together for our friends, so that will be exciting.

I also celebrated my 21st birthday on July 11th. I had such a good time with my friends! It was amazing to have all my groups of friends in one place at one time. I felt so loved. Thanks to everyone who came out… you have no idea what it did for my heart!

School has started and fall recruitment is starting very soon… I am stressed, but I am READY. I am beyond excited for us to take new members in the fall. I’m so glad we had spring recruitment so that I was able to become familiar with my job and know what I can do differently in the fall to make the new members experience within our sorority so much greater. I can’t wait to meet these sweet new babies! Our chapter has been working so hard to make recruitment so special for our girls… I have no doubt that we’re going to get some amazing girls that were born to wear our crown

I have officially started my senior year of college… it is surreal. I am looking into graduating this upcoming summer. HOLY COW. I can’t believe it. If that doesn’t happen, then I’ll be graduating next fall. Either way, a semester late. I’d rather graduate in the summer, but we shall see. Either way, I’m going right back into school shortly after. More updates on my post-graduation plans to come the options that I have are SUPER exciting and I can’t wait to share them as soon as I’m more certain as to what I’m doing.

so now that graduation is in sight and I’m starting to look for internships and jobs, I am getting a little nervous but excited at the same time. I realized though after talking to some friends that are closer to graduation and that have already graduated, that I don’t have to be absolutely certain what it is that I should do, but rather that I am striving for some sort of goal. I also realized that it’s been about 2 years or so since I really prayed about what God wanted me to do, not what I thought I needed to be doing. I don’t know if I’d have as much uncertainty if I had honestly asked Him and humbled myself enough for Him to do with me whatever it is that He wants me to do. sooooo. that’s where I am. It’s pretty crazy… but I’m hoping for some clarity about exactly what I need to do. I’m really quick to ask God something, but then completely cloud my thoughts with other things and try to be completely independent. and then I risk not hearing from Him. I always think, “He doesn’t talk to me.” in all reality… He’s speaking clearly to me, but I am not hearing nor listening.

this is a crazy transitional time for me. this season of my life is going to be AWESOME. I can feel it. I’m hoping to get involved in my church a little bit more. we’re starting a middle/high school ministry and I REALLLLLY want to be involved in that. That’s where my heart is… in student ministry and we haven’t had that in my home church. I’d be begging for opportunities to invest in students and VOILA! here they are, hopefully.

anyway. too much stuff to do to blog this week recruitment is on Thursday! so much to do, so little time!

hope everyone is doing well.

lovies!

it’s good to see you again, dear friend…

yes, that is a chris coleman lyric for that heading

 

it has been a long time since i’ve written in my good ol’ wordpress journal. i couldn’t even begin to put anyone who reads this, up to speed on everything that’s been going on lately.

so i’ll start with today. or tonight, rather. tonight… i got the privilege of acting out my big sister duties. one of my little sisters, isabella, is turning 6 in a week. she had her birthday party tonight and 8 of her sweet little girlfriends came over for a princess birthday party and a sleepover. the night would not have been completed without a silly string fight, pizza, cake and icecream, presents, and then mani’s and pedi’s done by yours truly i can’t even begin to describe the joy that i felt tonight. it brought so much delight and so much pleasure to my heart to be able to be the “big sister.” she was so proud to have me there… and would tell everyone that i was her sister. but, the most important part of the evening was this: i got to serve my 6 year old sister and her friends. i helped my mom prepare the cake and ice cream, sat beside her as she opened presents and put all her gifts away, cleaned up the wrapping paper and made sure she saved all the cards, laughed and sprayed silly string and did cartwheels in the grass (eventhough i am allergic)… and then did 8 mani/pedi’s until my back hurt. and i LOVED it. i absolutely loved it. and i’d do it again in a heartbeat. i miss being that young… being so easily entertained and innocent. little girls are one of the most precious gifts in the world… i’m convinced of that much at least. also convinced that i LOVE being a big sister.

other than that… i am moving back to my parent’s house this weekend. my precious roommate, tiffany, is in the midst of planning her wedding to her wonderful fiancee and they’re trying to start their life together… so therefore, i am heading home for the summer. but i am super excited to live with my sweet friends and sorority sisters, claire and katie, in the fall. we’re apartment hunting while claire is in europe until june. looking for places to live always stresses me out because i love every place that we visit. so… fingers crossed that we will find something and SOON. and i am officially a SENIOR in college. i started my senior year this may taking my 1st maymester/summer class in my college career. and it is a pain in the BUTT. i am SO SO SO ready for it to be over. monday is my last day of class and then tuesday is my final. then DONE. such a good feeling.

the world is speeding up all around me… and i feel like i am just still in the same place. summer always brings significant change, though. i’m ready for it. but if i expect change, i have to allow change. and i don’t usually allow it to happen in my life. so that’s my barrier to break down this summer. i’m tired of the same old routine. my life is lacking direction… and for someone who plans like i do, no direction is NOT a good thing. all the things i wanted to do… i don’t anymore. the dreams i had… i kind of lost sight of them. so i’m trying to gain some insight and think introspectively. i’ve gotta grab a hold of the reigns on my life before it gets too far out of my control. 

my mind/heart/body/spirit… all exhausted and worn down. in the last couple weeks… my grandmother died, my best friend moved to south africa for the summer, some parents of close friends have passed away, and things are just out of control lately. not that they always aren’t. but i’m worn out.

i’m gonna try to update as much as possible, but i forget. love you guys.

change.

i am the worst blogger ever.

truth be told. not much is going on that i feel comfortable sharing. for the first time in a long time, i feel as though i’m making some sort of progress. and the best part, it’s obvious progress. progress that i can see in my life and not just think that i’m doing. so that is really really thrilling for me. it’s something i haven’t felt in a long time. and my friends are noticing it. so that is good.

school is nearing the end and i could not be more excited. i am doing 2 may-mester classes, so i won’t be finished til the end of may/beginning of june. after that, i’ll be getting a much needed break and it’ll be close to my day trip to NY, my 21st bday, my beach vacation with my family… and lots of time to work and save money. so i am very much looking forward to the end of the school year/summer to start.

i experienced the most INCREDIBLE worship of my life on Easter night. i spent the first half the day working since my fam was out of town… but i went to the night service at my church, and HOLY LORD. literally. it was amazing. so freeing. so liberating. people were dancing and every person in the room was singing loudly and just proclaiming the goodness of the Lord. i mean… i was just in tears the entire time. but of course, dancing and rocking back in forth during worship (those who know me… you understand this. and make fun of me for it). then we went to baptisms at the pastors house. OH. MY. GOODNESS. indescribable. i saw my sweet friend, samuel, get baptized… and as if i hadn’t cried enough…. i bawled. everyone there had some story about how samuel had encouraged, challenged, loved, etc on them. and i just didn’t think there could’ve been anything better than what we were doing that night. spending time in community, loving each other, and loving Christ. best thing ever. literally changed my heart. broke my heart. challenged my heart. it was…. just so good. 

i think that’s all i got. i’m sweating to death in econ. and spending the afternoon in the library afterwards. and then GSU vs. GT baseball so excited.

blessings

the grind.

so this season is slowing down… when i say this season, i mean this season of my life that i’ve been in for awhile now. i feel as though it’s ending and i am about to start a new one. could be wrong, but things are quickly changing around me, and it feels like something is about to happen. i’m constantly aware of how vast the world around me is… and sometimes i just feel so lost in it. it seems like everyone has their life together (i know this is not true) and i am always scrambling to keep mine in some kind of organized chaos. i’m stressing about graduating college next year with the economy being the way that it is… and deciding what the wise step will be: 1. grad school or 2. attempting to find a job. it’s all quite exhausting to think about. also trying to think about where i’d like to live after graduation is something that’s been on my mind a lot too.

i don’t want to grow up. i spent a majority of my adolescence being the responsible one… the mom, the DD, the go-to girl if things were messy… and for the last year or so, i’ve still been somewhat responsible, but instead of growing up, i’ve kind of stayed the same. does that make sense? the world got bigger, people started growing up, i kind of fought the whole growing up thing, and kind of remained unchanged. which is no good. i enjoy being 20 and i’m in this phase of going out and having a good time and dancing and bars. and it’s all fun… but is it wise? i’m just trying to figure it out. 21st birthday is coming up and that will be an entirely different ball game. there’s going to be some self control that’s going to have to be learned. so i’m just frustrated with trying to be an adult and trying to still be young and somewhat responsible all at the same time. it’s time to grow up a little bit.

one thing i feel like i HAVE actually been understanding a little better, is the Lord’s love for people. my heart breaks for lost people, for broken people, for people who can’t seem to get their lives together… my heart just yearns for them. and maybe it’s because i’ve been all 3 of those people at some point in my life. but i feel like He’s instilled some sort of strength in me to be able to relate and hurt and love on people lately. which clearly we are supposed to love people ANYWAY, but i am just kind of overwhelmed with the compassion that i feel placed in my life lately. those who know me well know that i’ve really struggled with compassion due to an extremely calloused heart throughout high school and a good bit of college. i feel like i see people the way Jesus sees them and want to make them feel the way He would if He were standing right next to them and hanging out. a lot of times, i am TERRIBLE at this. i mean, terrible. but it’s very hard for me to dislike anyone, even when i try reallllllly hard. i just love people. 

so as the Lord takes away, He also provides in return. as certain constants in my life are starting to fade away, i’m constantly overwhelmed with the friends that i have and their never-ending support for me. i know i am constantly crying, ranting, trying to figure things out… and they don’t grow tired, annoyed, angry, upset or anything with me. they have continued to love on me, listen, encourage, support, give advice, whatever i need. i have the best friends in the world. i really and truly do. whenever i leave after being with them, i feel edified, encouraged, loved, well respected, adored, you name it. i feel it. and that’s the way it should be. my precious friend, allie, has been my saving grace these last few months. i’ve probably driven her crazy with everything that’s been going on, but she has never lost patience with me and she has always stood by me. always cried WITH me. prayed with me. hurt when i was hurting, sort of thing. she’s for sure been my rock this entire time. love me some allie d.

alright, i’ve gotta get ready for the day…. turning in a paper and going to be spending the rest of the day in the library doing another!

love,
mal