it’s good to see you again, dear friend…

yes, that is a chris coleman lyric for that heading

 

it has been a long time since i’ve written in my good ol’ wordpress journal. i couldn’t even begin to put anyone who reads this, up to speed on everything that’s been going on lately.

so i’ll start with today. or tonight, rather. tonight… i got the privilege of acting out my big sister duties. one of my little sisters, isabella, is turning 6 in a week. she had her birthday party tonight and 8 of her sweet little girlfriends came over for a princess birthday party and a sleepover. the night would not have been completed without a silly string fight, pizza, cake and icecream, presents, and then mani’s and pedi’s done by yours truly i can’t even begin to describe the joy that i felt tonight. it brought so much delight and so much pleasure to my heart to be able to be the “big sister.” she was so proud to have me there… and would tell everyone that i was her sister. but, the most important part of the evening was this: i got to serve my 6 year old sister and her friends. i helped my mom prepare the cake and ice cream, sat beside her as she opened presents and put all her gifts away, cleaned up the wrapping paper and made sure she saved all the cards, laughed and sprayed silly string and did cartwheels in the grass (eventhough i am allergic)… and then did 8 mani/pedi’s until my back hurt. and i LOVED it. i absolutely loved it. and i’d do it again in a heartbeat. i miss being that young… being so easily entertained and innocent. little girls are one of the most precious gifts in the world… i’m convinced of that much at least. also convinced that i LOVE being a big sister.

other than that… i am moving back to my parent’s house this weekend. my precious roommate, tiffany, is in the midst of planning her wedding to her wonderful fiancee and they’re trying to start their life together… so therefore, i am heading home for the summer. but i am super excited to live with my sweet friends and sorority sisters, claire and katie, in the fall. we’re apartment hunting while claire is in europe until june. looking for places to live always stresses me out because i love every place that we visit. so… fingers crossed that we will find something and SOON. and i am officially a SENIOR in college. i started my senior year this may taking my 1st maymester/summer class in my college career. and it is a pain in the BUTT. i am SO SO SO ready for it to be over. monday is my last day of class and then tuesday is my final. then DONE. such a good feeling.

the world is speeding up all around me… and i feel like i am just still in the same place. summer always brings significant change, though. i’m ready for it. but if i expect change, i have to allow change. and i don’t usually allow it to happen in my life. so that’s my barrier to break down this summer. i’m tired of the same old routine. my life is lacking direction… and for someone who plans like i do, no direction is NOT a good thing. all the things i wanted to do… i don’t anymore. the dreams i had… i kind of lost sight of them. so i’m trying to gain some insight and think introspectively. i’ve gotta grab a hold of the reigns on my life before it gets too far out of my control. 

my mind/heart/body/spirit… all exhausted and worn down. in the last couple weeks… my grandmother died, my best friend moved to south africa for the summer, some parents of close friends have passed away, and things are just out of control lately. not that they always aren’t. but i’m worn out.

i’m gonna try to update as much as possible, but i forget. love you guys.

change.

i am the worst blogger ever.

truth be told. not much is going on that i feel comfortable sharing. for the first time in a long time, i feel as though i’m making some sort of progress. and the best part, it’s obvious progress. progress that i can see in my life and not just think that i’m doing. so that is really really thrilling for me. it’s something i haven’t felt in a long time. and my friends are noticing it. so that is good.

school is nearing the end and i could not be more excited. i am doing 2 may-mester classes, so i won’t be finished til the end of may/beginning of june. after that, i’ll be getting a much needed break and it’ll be close to my day trip to NY, my 21st bday, my beach vacation with my family… and lots of time to work and save money. so i am very much looking forward to the end of the school year/summer to start.

i experienced the most INCREDIBLE worship of my life on Easter night. i spent the first half the day working since my fam was out of town… but i went to the night service at my church, and HOLY LORD. literally. it was amazing. so freeing. so liberating. people were dancing and every person in the room was singing loudly and just proclaiming the goodness of the Lord. i mean… i was just in tears the entire time. but of course, dancing and rocking back in forth during worship (those who know me… you understand this. and make fun of me for it). then we went to baptisms at the pastors house. OH. MY. GOODNESS. indescribable. i saw my sweet friend, samuel, get baptized… and as if i hadn’t cried enough…. i bawled. everyone there had some story about how samuel had encouraged, challenged, loved, etc on them. and i just didn’t think there could’ve been anything better than what we were doing that night. spending time in community, loving each other, and loving Christ. best thing ever. literally changed my heart. broke my heart. challenged my heart. it was…. just so good. 

i think that’s all i got. i’m sweating to death in econ. and spending the afternoon in the library afterwards. and then GSU vs. GT baseball so excited.

blessings

the grind.

so this season is slowing down… when i say this season, i mean this season of my life that i’ve been in for awhile now. i feel as though it’s ending and i am about to start a new one. could be wrong, but things are quickly changing around me, and it feels like something is about to happen. i’m constantly aware of how vast the world around me is… and sometimes i just feel so lost in it. it seems like everyone has their life together (i know this is not true) and i am always scrambling to keep mine in some kind of organized chaos. i’m stressing about graduating college next year with the economy being the way that it is… and deciding what the wise step will be: 1. grad school or 2. attempting to find a job. it’s all quite exhausting to think about. also trying to think about where i’d like to live after graduation is something that’s been on my mind a lot too.

i don’t want to grow up. i spent a majority of my adolescence being the responsible one… the mom, the DD, the go-to girl if things were messy… and for the last year or so, i’ve still been somewhat responsible, but instead of growing up, i’ve kind of stayed the same. does that make sense? the world got bigger, people started growing up, i kind of fought the whole growing up thing, and kind of remained unchanged. which is no good. i enjoy being 20 and i’m in this phase of going out and having a good time and dancing and bars. and it’s all fun… but is it wise? i’m just trying to figure it out. 21st birthday is coming up and that will be an entirely different ball game. there’s going to be some self control that’s going to have to be learned. so i’m just frustrated with trying to be an adult and trying to still be young and somewhat responsible all at the same time. it’s time to grow up a little bit.

one thing i feel like i HAVE actually been understanding a little better, is the Lord’s love for people. my heart breaks for lost people, for broken people, for people who can’t seem to get their lives together… my heart just yearns for them. and maybe it’s because i’ve been all 3 of those people at some point in my life. but i feel like He’s instilled some sort of strength in me to be able to relate and hurt and love on people lately. which clearly we are supposed to love people ANYWAY, but i am just kind of overwhelmed with the compassion that i feel placed in my life lately. those who know me well know that i’ve really struggled with compassion due to an extremely calloused heart throughout high school and a good bit of college. i feel like i see people the way Jesus sees them and want to make them feel the way He would if He were standing right next to them and hanging out. a lot of times, i am TERRIBLE at this. i mean, terrible. but it’s very hard for me to dislike anyone, even when i try reallllllly hard. i just love people. 

so as the Lord takes away, He also provides in return. as certain constants in my life are starting to fade away, i’m constantly overwhelmed with the friends that i have and their never-ending support for me. i know i am constantly crying, ranting, trying to figure things out… and they don’t grow tired, annoyed, angry, upset or anything with me. they have continued to love on me, listen, encourage, support, give advice, whatever i need. i have the best friends in the world. i really and truly do. whenever i leave after being with them, i feel edified, encouraged, loved, well respected, adored, you name it. i feel it. and that’s the way it should be. my precious friend, allie, has been my saving grace these last few months. i’ve probably driven her crazy with everything that’s been going on, but she has never lost patience with me and she has always stood by me. always cried WITH me. prayed with me. hurt when i was hurting, sort of thing. she’s for sure been my rock this entire time. love me some allie d.

alright, i’ve gotta get ready for the day…. turning in a paper and going to be spending the rest of the day in the library doing another!

love,
mal

herro.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve written and I had every intention about being better about writing. oh well. I’ve been a busy girl with school, sorority, and spring break the last few weeks and it hasn’t stopped I’m still going strong, attempting to balance lots of things at one time. how very typical of me.

Amongst everything, I haven’t had much time to rest… so I’m a little weary and a little tired, but trying to stay encouraged, positive, and motivated. I’m almost done with major sorority stuff for the semester and we only have like 6 weeks left of school after today. So only a little more time to stick it out! I officially got my major changed out of nursing back into psychology and picked all my classes until my graduation in December 2010. I’m graduating a semester late, but that’s totally okay with me considering how I’ve been to 3 different schools. I’m excited because I will be applying for graduation in the fall. HOLY COW. I can’t believe it’s fastly approaching and in 6 weeks, I will be a SENIOR in college. Out of control. I don’t feel old enough yet… it’s time to start thinking about jobs and building my resume and being a big girl

congratulations to all of my friends who are engaged and getting married! I can’t believe how many people I know that are engaged or recently married. it’s all very exciting and I am loving being a part of it all. haha I am so not even there yet, but I admire that my friends can settle down and make adult decisions like that. it’s crazy how we’re all growing up. I can’t handle it.

I don’t really have much going on other than the usual work and school. I saw my best friend, Krissy, the other day for the first time in like… 3 months or so. it was an emotional reunion with lots of tears and lots of hugs. oh the love. also, Holly, my bestest, is in California on her spring break to see a friend of ours from high school that moved out there. it was her first time on a plane, so I’m excited for her to come home and tell me all about it. My new Zeta babies are getting initiated in a couple weeks and I am SO excited and SO proud of them. They’ve come a long way and persevered and have just done a really incredible job. I’m not ready for them not to be my sweet, little babies anymore! They’re going to be sisters it’s bittersweet. but, I’m a proud Zeta Mom to say the least. We have a retreat this weekend at my apartment with the new girls and then our entire chapter retreat out in Cumming. I’m super excited for some fun pictures, cosmic bowling, yummy food, and some good sisterhood. I am SUCH a sorority girl.

 

I feel like I am in like this rut where I’m not sure where to go with my life. I’m running a million miles an hour all the time… I’m not sure what I’m investing my time in anymore. It used to be in students and in relationships, school, work, etc. Now, it’s minus the students, add Zeta and a few other random things to the mix… and my life feels like a mess a lot of days. It works for me because I work best in chaos, but still, it’s been a little much lately. I’m always tired, always stressed, always worried about something or not getting my responsibilities done. I can’t half-ass things and I am starting to just so I can get things done. Also, applying for a big girl job is right around the corner and I’m terrified with the way that the economy is going at this point that I won’t be able to find a job. I don’t even really know what I want to do. I know I want to go back to school and get my masters in education… but that’ll take a couple of years. Ugh. I don’t wanna grow up, I’m only good at being young. (thanks, John Mayer). But I do want to graduate soon. It’s a weird transition for me… I’m  4 months away from being 21, so that marks an age for me that I’m excited to get to, especially with all my friends being 21 or older and being able to go out without me.  haha here I am saying I don’t want to grow up, but I can’t wait to be 21. oh me.

Well, here’s to the most pointless blog ever. Cheers!

I’m bored in government and taking off facebook for lent, so this is what I resulted to. OH, and I’ve been up since 7. Delirium at its finest.

Holler.

my favorite things.

 

so…. I’m out of biology lab early, and every part of me wants to take a nap and go to sleep. but, I’m not. I am in a writing mood and will probably journal after this. so, I was reading Bethany Dillon’s blog this morning. (i stinkin’ ADORE her)… and she did “a few of her favorite things.” not that anyone probably cares what MY favorite things are, because let’s be honest, I’m NOT Beth in any way, shape, of form… and also a whole lot less famous. but, I’m going to write it anyway.

so here we go, my favorite things:

• burt’s bees pomegranate chapstick. oh my gosh. if you have never used this, you have not lived yet. it is the best chapstick of life. (this is coming from an avid chapstick user/addict). i HIGHLY recommend it.
• golden girls. ok, let’s be honest. this is probably one of the FUNNIEST TV shows you will ever watch. and the women are so precious. i want to be like rose when i’m older… but alas, i am blanche in a lot of ways, haha.
• nicholas sparks books- i know, i know. but give me a break. i’m a girl. in my 20’s. i’m single…. ya know. it’s just going to happen. i like any super cheese, romantic book. which is weird considering i am NOT  into that sort of thing at all. hm. but nonetheless, i’ve read them all and think they’re fab.
• my sorority. that was not a surprise to anyone who knows me personally. i’m obsessed. i love zeta. everything about it. 
• one tree hill and dawsons creek. i put them together because… well, they share the same set and their story lines are about identical. same director and so forth. i’ve seen almost every episode of dawsons creek and i have seen EVERY episode of one tree hill… multiple times.
• hummus. totally random, i know. i love it and would eat it for every meal with pita chips. yummy.
• coca cola. yea. it’s bad. it’s always been mountain dew, but lately i’ve been heading towards coca cola. i never thought that’d happen, but ya know. gotta change it up. oh yea, and you have to add a lime!
• autumn. fall is my favorite season. i don’t like it when it’s super hot outside. plus i like fall clothes better
• sephora. ok, it’s every make-up wearing woman’s dream. i’m not a huge make-up wearer, but i do love to wear it when i do and i could spend hours in that store. (and drop a lot of $$)
• my baby sisters. i have 2 sisters. one is 5 and a half and the other is 6 and a half. they are, without a doubt, the most precious gifts i’ve been given. the best feeling in the world is pulling in my driveway and having them run out the door with their arms open and hug you and say, “i love you sissy!” i love them way too much.
• my brother. well the sisters thing obviously led to my brother, taylor. my best friend, and my partner in crime. one of my favorite things about him is that still to this day… he calls me “sis.” he’s called me that since he was able to talk. none of my siblings call me malloree.
• midtown community church. go here. the Lord is at work. in tremendous ways. the community is OUT OF THIS WORLD.
• painting. i love to paint. i don’t do it as often as i used to… but i love it. 
• my littles. sorority lingo. but my little sisters within ZTA. i’m obsessed with them. i love being their big. love love love it.
• psalms. there’s something so comforting about the book of psalms. i love reading it. psalm 62 is my favorite right now.
• my boys. my brothers. my best friends. my bridesmen they exemplify all that it means to be a man of God and with a heart for people, the world, etc. they are THE best guys in the world. i am convinced.
• dancing. if you are around me, you know. i never stop dancing. i could care less where i am.
• the twilight books. don’t hate ‘em ’til you’ve read ‘em. then you won’t hate ‘em, you’ll love ‘em.
• tulips. whew, buy me tulips and i’ll love you forever. flowers in general, but tulips are my favorite.
• encouragement. a kind word goes a long way. 
• hugs. especially krissy hugs. my best friend gives the BEST hugs in the world. but hugs in general.

well, i think that’s enough. i have a lot more favorite things… but i was trying to think of them all and realized there are too many. i gave up facebook for 40 days. technically 47 if you count sundays. so i’ll probably be on here more to cure my boredom and distract me from doing work

set apart.

i have decided NOT to go completely hiatus on the blogging world… but i am going to just post random quotes or videos or things that i like when i find them. i just can’t NOT write and share my heart with people.

this is a quote from leslie ludy’s website “set apart girl”…she wrote one of my favorite books, “set apart femininity.” she’s a beautiful writer with a heart 100% sold out to the Lord. ladies if you get a chance, you should read her books. all of them are really great. and her hubby, eric ludy, writes really awesome books for guys. they’ve come together and written a few as well. so check them out if you get a chance or need a good read!

Noble, breathtaking, captivating, Christ-centered femininity is truly a sight to behold.  It’s a beauty that does not draw attention to the woman, but to Jesus Christ.  It’s a radiance that is not dependent upon age, circumstance, or physical enhancements.  It’s a loveliness that flows from deep within – the refreshing beauty of Heaven, of a life transformed from the inside out by Jesus Christ.

i love this. it’s what i want to be, what i am striving for. may we as women seeking Christ, not buy into the lies of others and the lies of the enemy. our identity is found in Christ and Him alone. i am guilty of finding my identity in others opinions and the through the lies of satan. may we have confidence in who we are, who we were made to be. may we have hope that we are far more valuable than the world tells us that we are. that we are found blameless and flawless to our God; who loves our loud laughs, our free spirits, our quirks, our ridiculousness, our outgoing personalities.. and whatever qualities we individually possess. we are who He made us. that will always be enough. may we know that we are NEVER damaged goods. that what was once lost can ALWAYS be restored. 

psalm 62:1-2 says, “my soul finds rest in God alone. my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Fortress. i will NOT be shaken.”

5-8 says, “find rest o my soul, in God alone. my hope comes from Him. He alone is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my fortress. i will NOT be shaken. my salvation and my honor depend on God. He is my Refuge. trust in Him at all times; pour out your hearts to Him. for God is our Refuge.”

i don’t know why i felt like writing today… but i hope this hits home to someone!

can’t hold my love back.

taking a break.

Hello all

 

so, I know a handful of you people read this… so for all 3 of you you may be disappointed. others could care less.

I think I’m going to take a break from blogging. As transparent as I want to be and as encouraging as what some of the things I write are… I kind of find myself losing my sense of mystery… does that make sense?

so, I’m just gonna not write in this for awhile. Maybe I’ll pick back up on it someday, but for now… I’m done.

after all… we’re only human.

so a lot has happened lately

my beautiful roomie, tiffany, and her wonderful boyfriend (now fiancee), steven, got engaged this weekend! i am so thrilled for them… they are a wonderful couple and they absolutely adore each other. it’s been fun seeing their relationship evolve since august. i love them both and am so excited for our condo to be filled with wedding magazines, lots of chaos, etc. 

also, my grandmother is really sick. really sick. i’m not good with the specifics, and to be honest… after talking to my dad, there really aren’t any specifics except her body is just shutting down. this is the first person in my family that i’ve known, to be this sick and this close to leaving us. SO… if you pray, please pray for my grandmother. and for my dad… because his dad died when he was 11, so losing his mom is going to hurt him even moreso. so if you think about it, just throw up a little prayer for her she’s still fighting really hard.. her heart is still there and she’s a feisty one. that’s keeping her alive!

i feel like i’m being challenged to REST. to take time for quietness. to let the Lord speak to me, reveal stuff to me, or maybe He won’t say anything at all… but just disciplining me to take that time out of my day to reflect, spend with Him, spend alone, spend some time in quiet… so i’ve been trying to do that. some days are easier to work through than others… but after a string of events recently, it was time to slow down and stop bogging down and consuming my life with things that simply do not matter in the long run. this is the beginning of a looooong process of restoration. but i’m fighting hard. i’m at peace. it’s so so so incredibly weird for me. especially with the way things have been the last few months. i’m at peace. i was able to fall asleep soundly and without my mind racing. i feel like myself again. it’s just really different from how things have been. happiness is well on its way!

this semester has been a very eventful one thus far. i’ve been to a mixer (my first one since i’ve been in zeta) with Pi Kappa Phi, went to Pi Kappa Alpha semiformal in dahlonega last weekend (SO SO SO MUCH FUN!), we had Zeta bid night, and tomorrow we have our annual ZTA Crush Party… i have been super into greek life this semester, moreso than usual. i have my position to thank as well as some incredible girls. i’ve gotten a lot closer to my sisters this semester. i can honestly say, there is not one person that i dislike. i am really blessed and privileged to be the new member mom to 10 incredible girls, as well as a sister to 56 other beautiful, incredible women! i know a lot of you probably don’t understand sorority/fraternity life or whatever… but it’s a huge part of my life. and it’s WONDERFUL. so don’t knock it ’til you try it it keeps me busy, but i wouldn’t trade it for anything.

 

i don’t really have much else to write… i’m sure lots of stuff has gone on, but i suck at remembering things. all my days feel like blurs most of the time. school is kicking my butt. i had 2 tests on tuesday and i have 3 next week. so that is just stinky. but, i’ll get through it with a high high stress level just like i do every semester

i’m back to being me. i like me. me is good.

progress.

i’m sitting in my political science class with nothing to do except to actually listen in class… so i figured i’d blog

 

life is a whirlwind of emotions, decisions to be made, and chaos as it usually is. i’m really trying to balance my time a little better. i spread myself very thin to keep myself busy, but that results in me not performing my duties and obligations to the best of my ability because i am too exhausted or too stressed. but i’m not very good at balancing my time. so we’ll see how that works out for me. i spend a lot of time doing sorority things, which i love… which are completely for other people. but i LOVE doing it. i absolutely love it. and school stuff, which is somewhat for me, i guess. which i don’t love. but i forget to make time for friends, dinner/lunch/coffee dates, family time, relaxation, time to breathe… etc. i have to schedule 20-30 minute naps throughout my day just to function. i would love just a day of nothingness. to sleep in, read, write, watch dawson’s creek spend time with Jesus (which i also have not been doing much)… and just have a day with no agenda. oh what a day that will be!

this is something kind of exciting for me. so these last couple years, i’ve kinda pushed my dreams aside of serving somewhere other than where i currently live. i’ve always felt “called” (cliche, but whatever…) to service, as i think we all are in some way or another, but like to actually go somewhere, anywhere, and serve for a summer, a semester, a month, who knows. but i tend to shut those ideas out when i think about the monetary costs, the time i’d have to take off of school, what i’d be leaving behind, etc… but the more and more i attend midtown and live in downtown atl, and i guess just ask the Lord what it is i’m supposed to do… it always comes down to the same thing. serving. but i’m terrified of it. feel like i have nothing to offer or give to them. but it’s because i get so self focused. i can’t look past my own issues and see the bigger picture. to be honest, my heart is a complete wreck right now. i’m an emotional disaster… and i haven’t been able to see past my own pain for awhile now. but, after the message at midtown on sunday, after my grandmother being very close to dying, walking past hundreds of homeless people everyday on the way to class or driving down the street… my problems just seem…. so small. 

so. i just really am trying to figure out what it is i’m supposed to be doing. do i want to graduate a semester late? do i want to travel? do i want to take some different leadership responsibilities? i just can’t sit here any longer and ignore these pulls on my heart. i don’t know when or what i want to do… but i’m just waiting it out. i’m just trying to be open and stop running from what i know that i should be doing. me running from it…. it does nothing for me. only puts me deeper into a rut.

maybe acknowledging and actually being vulnerable to all of this… will stem some kind of progress. progress that i haven’t seen occur in my life for the last year and a half, 2 years or so. i hate that i’m foolish and have pushed back things in my life for so long now. i hate it, i hate it. but i’ve got to change it now. i have NO idea how to do that or what the next step is… but i’m open to it when it comes along.

okay class is soon to be over… i have more i want to write, but i’ll have to do it later. i have a busy rest of the day so typical.